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A PTSD Trigger

I don’t teach transcendence because I have it all figured out; I teach because I’ve learned the hard way what tools have worked for me in my own journey. I am not healed, I am still working through the trials and trauma I’ve experienced, but I have learned how to mitigate some of it. I will never completely transcend it all, but I am coming to a place in my life where I no longer give the triggers the attention they demand when my anxiety rears its ugly head.

The other day I came across an obituary of a woman I knew about seven years ago who was instrumental in creating the PTSD I still experience. Her obituary described her as a wonderful Christian woman who helped people and loved God. I call bullshit. She was anything but a good Christian woman. This woman managed an apartment complex where I lived. During the time I was there I discovered she was committing fraud by using the company petty cash to pay off her favorite residents and provide them with extra benefits, such as allowing them to create a tenant’s organization. Why? Because I requested that we start one. The tenants she favored gathered in an apartment without announcing the meeting and elected themselves.

When I complained things got bad. She had funeral music piped into my apartment and bedbugs were pushed through the radiator into my place. My cats were taken outside and chased around the building. Things like this continued until I finally ended up in the hospital. While there I got a call from someone looking after them that their water had red dye in it, so I was forced to give them up to someone else.

A lot of other things happened that will appear in the book I’m writing but when I saw her obituary it brought up a lot of anxiety and memories. I allowed myself to acknowledge those feelings and the anger I felt about the situation but then I let it go and thanked my guides for getting me through that time, making me stronger and more intuitive. I find something I love to do to take me out of that place, such as writing this, crocheting or baking.

Most importantly, I acknowledge that while she was responsible for her actions, she was not responsible for my response. I needed to change how I responded to such behavior. As a result, I did manage to eventually expose a great deal of harmful behavior and got myself out of some dangerous situations. I am here, I am stronger and the result of all the abuse was that I have skills I would never have had had I not gone through it all. For that, I am grateful.

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